


Little Lies

by NikaylaSarae



Series: Lies Verse [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Negative Self Talk, Vomiting, blood mention, child!deceit, sick!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:01:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24651979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikaylaSarae/pseuds/NikaylaSarae
Summary: All he’d been looking for when he’d revealed himself to Thomas was a little less work. One less secret to hide. One less thing to keep Thomas from knowing because his host didn’t want to know. To say it had backfired for Deceit was a bit of an understatement.
Series: Lies Verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1782367
Comments: 27
Kudos: 168





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted with minor edits from my Tumblr account @stillebesat.

Deceit staggered in the darkened hallway, his hand slipping against the wall in an attempt to steady himself as his vision swam. He gritted his teeth, swallowing convulsively to keep the rising acid in his throat down, his stomach twisting. 

_Curse you, Thomas._ His job should have gotten easier after revealing himself. He raised a shaky middle finger to the ceiling. _This is not how it’s supposed to work._

Sure, revealing himself had triggered Thomas to be more truthful to himself, which _had_ helped ease a bit of the weight of lies and half-truths that Deceit had been suffocating under...but at what cost?

His arm gave way, sending his shoulder hard into the wall. _Ow._ Deceit leaned his aching head against the peeling wallpaper, wrapping both arms around his stomach in a futile effort to calm his twisting insides. 

He couldn’t let the others see him in this state. He was the Gatekeeper. He was the one who kept them from revealing to Thomas what their host didn’t want to know. He kept them from popping up into Thomas’s conscious mind to cause havoc. He was the towering menace that they could not overcome. He didn’t get sick. 

At least he hadn’t...until he revealed himself. Deceit raised a hand to pull the brim of his bowler hat down further over his bloodshot eyes. 

He was beginning to think that that choice was a mistake. No, he knew it was a mistake. An easier workload was definitely not worth spending all his free time hunched over the toilet. 

Deceit shivered, wiping the sweat from his brow, his gloved fingers trailing down the freezing scales on the side of his face. So cold. He needed...warmth. A hot water bottle to rest his aching head against, to warm the cold side of his face. He just needed to make it back to his room to get it. 

Swallowing down more bile, Deceit straightened only to wrap his arms back around his stomach and fall back against the wall with a groan. _Curse. You. Thomas._ He couldn’t continue working under these conditions! He’d known that his host liked to take things to the extreme… but this was getting ridiculous. 

Deceit blinked, trying to clear his foggy vision. _This. Is. Not. Good._ He thought, sinking to the scuffed hardwood floor, resting his head on his knees, breathing as shallowly as possible to keep his chest from moving too much. 

Maybe...maybe in his attempt to make his job easier, Deceit had unwittingly triggered his own demise. After all...if Thomas was aiming to be totally truthful now in an effort to keep Deceit at bay...what need would there be for him to stick around as an Official Side?

Deceit shivered again. No. _Everyone lies._ Thomas couldn’t permanently get rid of him. He’d always be there in some capacity. Deceit uncurled, forcing himself back to his feet, wobbling like a landlubber on his first boat. He reached out a gloved hand to again steady himself against the wall. 

Maybe what he needed instead of heat was a little food. That could... help. Possibly. He hadn’t eaten in...was it days now? It had all blurred together between the fitful periods where he’d tried to do his job and get some sleep without throwing up in the process. 

Shakily, leaning heavily against the wall with eyes more closed than open, he continued one slow step at a time down the hallway. It was only a couple doors before he could reach the stairs leading to the Dark Side’s kitchen. There, perhaps, he could find some stale crackers to munch on. Those...those helped stomachs right? Or was that a Lie? 

Deceit gritted his teeth, clutching at his stomach as it tried to do a backflip. _Not. Good._ His job was to keep track of the Lies Thomas wanted to believe. But if he couldn’t remember what was fact and what was falsehood….

He doubted any of the others ever had to deal with this type of...weakness. Not even the Big Thre--no Four--no Three...Had Anxie--Vir--Anxiety become an official Light side yet? Deceit should know...he had to know...know lie from truth...know...his hand dropped to the handle of the door he needed and pushed, hooded eyes closing further as it took more effort than normal to get the warped thing open. It felt like it had rusted shut. Deceit couldn't have gotten so weak so quickly. Could he?

More than likely he had. Deceit shut the door firmly behind him, gazing wearily up the shadowed stairs. Whoever had designed the subconscious’ rooms needed to be shot. Why put the kitchen on a different floor? Why? 

He staggered away from the door, somehow managing to cross the distance to grab onto the railing in a white fingered grip, closing his eyes as his vision went briefly black. _I can do this._ A little snack. Crackers. Water. Something. It had to help. Give him some strength. Give him enough energy to at least make it back to his room to rest. He just had to make it up and down the freaking stairs. 

It wasn’t like he liked having to work from his room. No, Deceit preferred to be moving around the mindscape to ensure everyone stayed in check. But with how quickly he was declining...it would have to be for the best. To work from the shadows, where the others couldn’t see him. Couldn’t tell how sick he actually was. If they found out...Deceit shivered violently as he lifted a leadened foot onto the first step. No. Working from his room would be necessary until he’d regained some strength. Until Thomas relaxed in his Honest Abe campaign. 

Climbing the stairs should have been easy. Would have been easy if it didn’t feel like he was lifting a house with each step he took. It was horrible. Deceit swallowed down the bile trying to rise in his throat as he lifted up another leadened foot. Just a few more step--his fingers slipped from the railing, sending him to his hands and knees. 

Deceit half curled up, groaning under his breath as he dug gloved fingers into the worn wood, fighting to keep his rolling stomach in check. 

How pathetic. The great and mighty Deceit, who could make even the big three--four--bow to his bidding...reduced to crawling up a simple flight of stairs. 

He grimaced brushing the sweat away from his brow, the gloves nearly slipping off his hand in the process. He frowned down at them, tugging them back into place. Too loose. When had they become loose?

He exhaled, hitching at his cape as he reached for the next stair. At least no one would see him like this. The other dark sides were further down in the subconscious, distracted with some game tournament. That had to keep them busy. Keep them...keep them...there. From finding him here. Deceit shivered harder, pulling himself up the staircase an agonizing inch at a time. 

He only made it up a handful more steps before he had to stop, curling up once more in an effort to stop his head from spinning. He was losing his grip on reality. Shouldn’t he be at the top by now? There weren’t more than fifteen stairs on a flight….right? He tsked under his breath, raising his head to glare at the step in front of him as he once more pulled his cape back onto his shoulders, his fingers fumbling within his large gloves.

He knew when he was healthy he could race up them in less time than it took Patton to tell a Dad Joke. But now the next stair seemed nigh unreachable. Deceit grimaced pushing his hat back up out of his face so he could see. Not that his vision at all was reliable anymore. The doorway at the top looked like a mousehole. A mountain’s climb away.

The stairs only seemed to grow taller as he doggedly continued up on hands and knees, sweat dripping down his face and into his eyes as he struggled to overcome each incline. Why was he even attempting this? He should have… reached the top…by now. 

But with his clothes constantly slipping and tangling up in his feet and hands, his progress felt more similar to watching grass grow.

Wearily, Deceit pulled the cape back into place for the thousandth time, the fabric now swamping him like a circus tent. Had he really lost so much weight so quickly? Was it a sign that Thomas was succeeding in trying to get rid of him? 

He yelped as his foot slipped, nearly sending him tumbling back down the stairs. Deceit swallowed back down the bile rising in his throat, clinging to the edge of the stair above him, mentally cursing. 

_Stubborn idiot._ He should have just gone straight to his room. Stale crackers weren't worth this much effort. But he had to be close to the top now. Why give up when he was almost there?

Again pushing his hat up out of his eyes, Deceit straightened his legs and forced himself to clamber up the last few steps, collapsing against the door to the kitchen with a thump that he desperately hoped the others downstairs hadn’t heard. Holding his breath, he listened for the tell-tale creak of the door below opening. Nothing. He closed his eyes in relief as it remained quiet.

Pressing his head against the wood, Deceit shuddered as the cold permeated through his sweating skin. Too cold. Too cold. He jerked away pulling the fabric of his tent sized cape around him, trying to find warmth in the lackluster cloth as his body once more shuddered. He’d expended too much effort. All for what? Some crackers? 

_I’m not thinking clearly. I should have gone straight to bed. I should have conserved my strength. I can’t let them see me wasted like this._

But...if it helped….if eating something would help get rid of feeling like his stomach was going to jump out of his mouth at any second. If it would get rid of the feeling he was being shrunk into nothing by Thomas’s quest to be a hundred percent truthful...it would be worth it? Right? 

Deceit reached up to the handrail over his head, his fingers barely able to grab onto it as he pulled himself to his feet. He wavered, teetering on the brink of falling back down the stairs. Come on...a few more steps..he’d be..fine. He swallowed down more bile, going on tip toes to be able to reach the handle.

Wait. Tiptoes? His hazy mind knew that wasn’t right. Why...why on tiptoes? The handle turned before he could think further, the door swinging open much faster and smoother than it should have, sending Deceit tumbling onto the carpet on the other side with a yelp that quickly cut off as his stomach heaved. 

He retched, curling up in a ball, desperately swallowing back the acrid taste in his mouth. _Leave no sign. No mess to clean up. Nothing to hint to the others that I'm not well._ Frustrated tears streamed down his cheeks as his cape again slipped off his shoulders, pooling around his waist before he could stop it. 

Deceit clenched his fists, fighting to gain control of himself. He hated this. Hated this! If this was what he had to expect from revealing himself to Thomas he didn’t want it. If he could go back and choose to never reveal himself he would without hesitat---

“Deceit?” Came a familiar, unwelcome, regal voice. 

Automatically, he looked up, shakily pushing his too large hat up out of his eyes. There should be no one up here… Why…. Squinting in the bright light, his heart dropped as an all too familiar living room swam in his vision. 

_This isn’t the kitchen._ He thought numbly, looking up into the surprised faces of the Big Four staring at him from the couch.

This was much worse.


	2. Chapter 2

“Deceit?” Roman repeated as he stood, the first to react out of the four, his hand on the armrest of the couch. “Is that you?” His brow furrowed in...was that worry? 

_Concern? Was that...No. It was totally cray cray._ Why in the world would Princey of all Sides be worried about him? He knew Roman didn’t like his creepy snake face. No wait. _Idiot._ Roman wasn’t worried about him. He was worried about why Deceit would be here. 

Virgil growled, hands clenching as he shot to his feet, taking an aggressive step forward, only to be stopped by Roman throwing out an arm out to block him. “Of course it’s him, who else wears that outfit, Princey?” He demanded, glaring daggers at Deceit.

Deceit blinked, mind sluggishly trying to comprehend why Anxi--Virgil would allow Roman to stop him. He knew the other Side was still upset over him pretending to be Patton. He knew those two were close. But now Virgil and Roman? _Were the two friends now? Were they all friends now?_

If so, then Virgil wouldn’t hesitate to defend his friends if he perceived Deceit as a threat, which meant he needed to leave sooner rather than later if he didn’t want to get decked again by the Anxious Side. 

Deceit let his too large hat fall back over his tear-stained face as he cleared his throat. “No. Not...me.” He managed to whisper, wincing at how high and unnatural his voice sounded as more stupid tears flowed down his cheeks. Out of all the places--why here! Why with the LIGHT sides? How had he even managed to climb into the conscious mind? That wasn’t supposed to be possible. 

“Deceit...are you okay, friendo?” Patton asked.

Concern. From Morality. He didn’t need it. Deceit shuddered gathering the tent of a cape around him again. _Curse. You. Thomas. I didn’t want anyone to see me sick like this! PARTICULARLY THEM!_ He pushed to his feet, wobbling as his head swam. “M’Fine.” He had to get out of here, back down the stairs. Get away from them before they -especially Anxiety- got over their surprise at seeing him. Forget the crackers. He obviously wasn’t meant to eat today. 

“You don’t look fine.” Came Logan’s doubtful tone. 

Of course he didn’t. He was sick. But they didn’t need to know that. Logic could just stop being concerned. “Jusa loo-shun. Nuthin to see.” He slurred out, knowing that that was the lie the others wanted to hear. The lie he wanted them to believe. He backed away from them, bringing himself closer to the door. _Don’t turn, don’t run, don’t let them see weakness._ “Notta---notta here.” 

They were just imagining him. As soon as he was gone they could go back to whatever they were doin---his foot caught on the hem of his too large clothes, sending him careening into the edge of the doorframe. _Ow._ Fire rushed into his skull as Deceit cried out, briefly going limp as he slid to the ground, struggling to get his breath back. 

“OW.” His voice came out louder than intended. _No wait._ “Not ow.” He automatically corrected, shakily reaching up to feel his head, glaring at the inside brim of his hat as a cacophony of voices rang in his ears. _Of all the clumsy! OW._ He didn’t want or need the drumbeat now pounding away in his skull. He needed to get out of here! 

“Is he okay?!” Patton cried out as a pair of strong arms encircled Deceit before he could move, lifting him easily from the floor, a confident hand guiding his head to rest against the other’s chest. 

“Leggo--” Deceit cut off, the sudden warmth on the scaled side of his face momentarily shocking him into stillness. So. Warm. He clenched his fists, pressing further into the soft warmth instinctively as the other’s fingers slipped under the hat to feel through his hair. 

“Princey, could you for once in your life not be the hero?” Anxie--Virgil snarled from nearby triggering Deceit’s brain to begin working again. 

He stiffened in Roman’s grasp, mind stuttering at the impossibility. Why was Creativity holding him!? He shouldn’t be able to lift him so easily, shouldn’t want to be near him at all. This was...this was a lie! 

“STOP.” He screeched, thrashing in Roman’s grip, desperate to get away from the warmth. It felt so good, but he knew he wasn’t wanted. 

Deceit bit back a yelp as Roman’s searching fingers found the tender spot on his head. _No. I’m fine. Don’t show weakness._ “LE-GO!”

“There’s blood, I don’t think it’s a deep cut though.” Roman said over Deceit’s yell before adding in an undertone, keeping Deceit close to his chest as he looked down. “Hold still, Dee.” He said, gently, wrapping an arm around him to keep him from thrashing as much. “I got you. We need to see how bad your head is.” 

_Concern?_ A Lie. It had to be. Princey didn’t like him. Didn’t want him. Deceit only struggled more to get Roman to let go. Escape. Leave. They didn’t need to pretend to care. He didn’t want them seeing any injuries. He didn’t need to be surrounded by these lies. He had a job he needed to be doing! 

“I don’t WANT you hol--” He cut off as his stomach lurched. Deceit moaned, breath hitching as he buried his head into Roman’s sash, shivering as he fought against his twisting stomach. _Don’t show weakness. I’m fine. I. Am. FINE._ The last thing he needed to do was throw up all over Princey. He’d never hear the end of it. _The Mighty Deceit, destroying Creativity’s favorite sash and facing his eternal wrath because he got a little sick._

“Roman. Just let him Go.” Virgil growled. “He’s just baiting you! Trying to trick us into one of his schemes!”

Roman’s grip around him only tightened as he twisted towards the couch. “Oh, and what sort of good guys would we be to let him wander back to the subconscious like this?” He shot back, pulling Deceit’s hat off his head, again running his fingers through his sweat dampened hair. “Not only did he just injure himself, Virge, he’s sick in case you didn’t notice.”

_No. I am fine! I’m not sick!_ “Am not.” Deceit denied in an unprofessional whine, closing his eyes as his energy flagged. _Don’t be such a crybaby. They’re supposed to be afraid of you._ “Am. Not.”

“It’s...an Act.” 

Deceit flinched, eyes opening as Virgil’s fingers grazed his scales. It had been years, back when Anxiety had first started distancing himself from the Dark Sides, but Deceit still felt the bruise his knuckles had left there. He did not want a repeat experience. 

Virgil frowned, the shadows under his eyes growing darker as he stared into Deceit’s half opened eyes.

“I got a washcloth.” Patton interjected, rushing from the kitchen with a dripping cloth to press it against his head. 

Deceit gasped, shuddering as Morality gently dabbed at the tender spot. Cold. So. Cold. It was an unpleasant counterpoint to the drumbeat in his head and the rolling in his stomach.

“Still think it’s an act?” Roman asked.

It had to be. _No weakness. Leave no sign._ Deceit gritted his teeth, pushing away from Roman’s chest, ducking his head away from the freezing cloth. They were all surrounding him and he didn’t like it. Didn’t like being outnumbered. “Yes. All Acting.” He said forcefully, trying to glare at the multiple figures swimming in his vision. _Why are you all still keeping me here? Just let me leave. Let. Me. Leave._ “Lemme Go. M’Fine.” 

“Even if that were true.” Logan remarked, a penlight appearing in his hand as he leaned in, flashing the light across Deceit’s eyes. He frowned. “The Subconscious is not a place for a child, especially a sick one.” He said, lowering his hand, penlight disappearing as he looked to the others. “Even if that child is Deceit.” 

_Child? Who’s...I’m not a child!_ “Notta...notta…” His fingers twisting trying to make a grabbing motion to get Logan to be quiet. But it wasn’t...working. He frowned, focusing on the tiny fist that swam in his vision. That wasn’t...it should be...bigger. He slowly looked up, struggling to focus on Logic’s face, now too close for comfort, his eyes glimmering with fascination behind his glasses.

“You are a child, Deceit” He said in a low tone. “A very ill one at that.” 

Deceit gritted his teeth, again making the grabbing motion to shut him up, but the Logical Side’s hand didn’t even twitch. “Fawsehood.” He ground out. He wasn’t...he was...his eyes just weren’t working! He wasn’t a child, he shouldn’t be...shouldn’t be small...impossible all...wrong….but-

“Truth.” Logan replied, finally moving his hand to take Deceit’s, holding it up to his. 

It was like comparing a pebble to a boulder. 

Deceit froze, mouth dropping open. _Im---Impossible._

“It’s a trick, you know he can shapeshift! He’s just baiting us-” Virgil muttered, keeping a protective hand on Patton’s shoulder as the moral side attempted to bring the washcloth back up to his head.

“Kiddo.” Morality murmured, tapping Virgil’s hand, giving the Anxious Side a firm smile. “I doubt this is something he’s doing on purpose. Just...look at him.”

Deceit stared at them hazily, slowly blinking, trying to focus on Anxi--Virgil’s words, on what Anxiety wanted him to be saying to make him happy. Baiting? He could...could have, but that was the furthest thing from his mind right now. “Yes.” He mumbled, forcing the tiny fingers to relax, ducking away from the washcloth as Morality brought it near, pushing himself further from Roman’s chest, from everyone. “Jussa trick...all...all fake.” He swallowed hard, swaying from the effort it took to stay upright in Creativity’s arms. He shivered, already missing the warmth as he met the Anxious Side’s eyes. “You win. Bye bye now.” 

Virgil blinked, frowning. “Come again?” 

What? He was only saying what Anxiety wanted to hear. Not that Deceit didn’t want it himself too. He just wanted to go crash in bed and hope that this was all a fever dream. He shouldn’t...shouldn’t be tiny, a child. “Go now.” He wiggled his feet, turning to look up at Roman. “Bye bye.” He repeated firmly. 

Creativity didn’t budge, eyes flicking to the others before he shook his head. “No.” 

No? Nobody told him no! Deceit growled, grimacing as his stomach flip flopped. He didn’t know if he could even make it back down the stairs, but he wasn’t sticking around here. The Big Four could forget this had even happened. “YES.” He cried, wiping at his eyes trying to keep them dry. “LEAVE. BYE NOW.” 

“Deceit,” Patton said in that awful Dad voice that held more power than his own ever would, resting a hand on his too small shoulder, his eyes radiating fatherly concern. “You’re not going anywhere when you can barely stand.”

“I STAND FINE! LEMME GO!” He cried out, not even trying to appear in control anymore as tears streamed down his face. _Curse. You. THOMAS!_ He put all his energy into struggling out of Roman’s grip, on trying to get away even though fighting against the Prince was like pushing against a mountain. “LEGGO.”

“De--”

“YOU WIN.” He yelled over the others as they tried to soothe him, batting their hands away from him. _JUST LET ME LEAVE._ His image was already ruined. He’d just have to force the others to keep their mouths shut if they ever tried to bring this up. “I LOSE. I GO! ALL JUS LOOSHU--” 

A wave of nausea swept through him, and he remembered too late why violently thrashing was a bad idea. 

“Ro-!” 

Rough hands grabbed him, tearing him from Roman’s grip. Deceit’s vision blurred as the familiar but unwelcome jumpsync took away his view of the commons, instead bringing him face to face with the kitchen sink just in time for his stomach to heave up everything he had ever eaten into it.


	3. Chapter 3

It seemed to last for an eternity as Deceit's body convulsed again and again, spewing out mostly bile into the kitchen sink like a polluted waterfall.

Multiple voices rang in his ears as he went limp, hanging like a wet kitchen rag over the edge, hiccuping and sobbing. That was the worst one yet.

“I thought you didn’t get sick.” Virgil muttered, holding him steady against the edge. 

Of course. The jumpsync should have clued him in. It would be the vigilant one who rescued the others from getting covered in vomit. 

_ “ _ I don--” Deceit whispered, tensing as his stomach quickly refuted that fact. Well he hadn’t. Not until he’d revealed himself.  _ Like an idiot.  _

“How is he?” Patton asked, brushing lank hair out of Deciet’s face, brows furrowed in concern. 

_Sick as a dog, obviously._ Deceit closed his eyes to avoid seeing the others, his cheeks growing hot even as his body shivering against the cold surface. He was never going to be able to show his face to anyone ever again. Not that they wanted to ever see his creepy snake scales in the first place. “M-fine.” He mumbled as water rushed by his head from the faucet, swirling away the smelly mess. 

Virgil exhaled, lifting Deceit away from the sink before he could protest to rest him against his chest. “It was mostly bile. I don’t think he’s eaten recently.”

_ That’s an understatement.  _ He hunched his shoulders, gripping Virgil’s shirt as the Side pulled his jacket over him, effectively cocooning him in place.  _ Warmth.  _

But...why? Anxiety hated him. Why was he holding him closer? Deceit swallowed, turning his head away, burrowing under the jacket to hide as much as he could from them. 

It was so stupid. It wasn’t like hiding from view would make them forget he was here. 

“Lo, I think there are some crackers in the pantry there.” Virgil continued, rubbing Deceit’s back. “That will help settle his stomach.” 

_Crackers are Truth._ That was...at least that hadn’t been a Lie. Deceit curled tighter against Anxiety’s side, tensing as Virgil adjusted his grip around him, holding him steadily...protectively. 

“I got you.” He said in an undertone. 

Deceit shuddered. What had happened to wanting him to leave?

“Maybe we should lay him down?” Patton suggested. “I’ll grab some blankets!” 

“That is a good idea. We should get him horizontal.”

Virgil exhaled. “Yah, yah, L. I’m on it.” He said, moving out of the kitchen. Deceit swallowed, fingers digging into Anxiety’s shirt, stomach flip-flopping with each step. A good idea? Logic thought taking him away from the sink was a good idea? What rotten jar of Crofters had he been eating from? 

“And you can make your homemade Chicken Noodle Soup, Specs!” Roman added from nearby, his fingers brushing Deceit’s scaly cheek as he carefully lifted up the hoodie to peek in at him. “It will have him feeling right as rain in no time!” 

_ Warmth.  _ Deceit shivered, twisting to lean into Creativity’s touch despite himself. “Logie cooks?” He whispered, peering up into Roman’s bright eyes as Virgil sat down with him on the couch.  _ Lie?  _ Wasn’t it Patton who did all--

“We all do!” Patton said cheerfully, as he plopped on the couch a mountain of blankets in his arms. “We each take a night and--”

Roman chuckled. “Logiebear is the best at soups.”

“I am indeed.” Logan agreed, frowning at Roman as he joined the other three surrounding him, an open box of Ritz in his hands. 

“And you’re humble too.”   
“I was agreeing with your statement as it is true, what does humility have to do with it?” 

Virgil exhaled. “I’ll explain later.” 

Of course he would. Deceit licked his lips, staring at the box.  _ Crackers.  _ The thing that had started this entire whole mess. If he hadn’t tried to come get them...then he wouldn’t have--

Logan blinked. “Alright...though, I think these will suffice until we can assure that your stomach is settled.” He continued, handing a cracker to Deceit. “We need to settle him first, establish how long it’s been since he’s had food and--”

Deceit hesitated.  _ Don’t show weakness.  _

Logic’s sharp eyes softened. An expression that Deceit never thought he’d see from the ‘emotionless’ side. “It’s fine to take it, Dee. We have plenty.” 

“You can eat the whole box if you want to.” Roman agreed, running his thumb along his scaled cheek. 

And now he was showing weakness by hesitating! Gah! Deceit relaxed his hold on Anxiety’s shirt, shakily taking the cracker. It looked so large in his tiny hand. It shouldn’t---He shuddered and took a tiny bite, the salt zinging on his tongue as he swallowed. 

“Try and eat it all, Friendo.” Morality encouraged, grabbing the top blanket, spreading it over him. “Then maybe we can try some Sprite!” 

_ Sprite? _ Like the Soda? Why would that--

“We’ll see you right as rain in no time, Dee, never fear!” Roman proclaimed, dropping his hand from Deceit’s face. 

_ No! The warmth!  _ He reacted instinctively, cracker falling from his hand as reached for Creativity, only to pull back before he made contact.  _ No.  _ His stomach twisted, the little bit of cracker he had managed to eat not sitting well at all. _ They don’t...don’t want me here. Roman doesn’t like me. Don’t draw attention.  _

But Princey was warm. Warmer than Anxiety, despite the jacket and he wanted...wanted to be warm. Safe. Protected. 

Deceit hissed under his breath, ducking back out of sight under the hoodie, pulling his hands close to his chest.  _ He was so pathetic. Some great Gatekeeper.  _

Unfortunately, his reaction hadn’t gone unnoticed. “Aww, Roman. Dee wants you.” Patton cooed, eyes shining as he picked up the cracker. 

Deceit flinched. “DO NOT.” He growled, glaring out from under the jacket, his cheeks burning. He was Bad. He was a DARK Side! He didn’t need--

“He does seem to like being held.” Logan commented, perching on the arm of the couch. “He doesn’t push away like I had expected.” 

_ Because they were Warm. No other reason.  _

Roman raised an eyebrow a soft smile playing on his lips as he held out his hands to him. “Virge?” He questioned. “May I?” 

Deceit bared his teeth, stomach churning. “No.” Just because he wanted it didn’t mean Roman would give it and he wasn’t about to force--

Virgil shrugged, pulling his jacket away, leaving him exposed. “Sure. Keep him warm though. He’s freezing.”

_ Nononono.  _ TRAITOR. 

Patton’s eyes grew wide. “Awww, the poor thing!”

_ No. No. NO.  _ He didn’t need pity! He was fine! Just fine. 

Roman scoffed. “Like I would leave a damsel in distress to freeze.” 

“ _ Damsel! _ ” Deceit winced at his shriek, head aching from the sound. He wasn’t  _ helpless!  _ Just because he’d become a--a---child! That didn’t mean he couldn’t--he didn’t  _ need  _ the others. He. Was. The. GATEKEEPER! He protected them! He didn’t NEED their help. He’d survived this long without it. The blankets would be fine. “Blankets. No. Hold.” Deceit spat out, wincing as the words left his lips.

“It’s just a term, Dee.” Virgil said, easily disengaging his fingers from his shirt so Roman could pull him into his arms. “You’re still a big bad baddy and all that jazz.” 

Was he? Deceit hardly felt like one now, being handed between them all like a sack of potatoes. His powers weren’t working. He couldn’t silence them. Couldn’t do any-- He was just _small_ and _sick_ and _helpless_ and--his breathing hitched, vision blurring as he pressed his head against Roman’s warm chest. 

He should never have tried to come up stairs. Never tried to-to reveal himself. Sh-shouldn’t have--

“Whoa, whoa.” Roman soothed as Deceit sobbed, tears streaming down his cheeks. “It’s okay buddy. You’re no damsel. I promise. I just want to help you.”

It should be a lie that Creativity wanted to help him. Hadn’t Roman said he couldn’t stand his snake face? Deceit buried his head against the sash, trying to make himself as small as possible.

“Princey--”

“I didn’t do anything.” He hissed, rubbing Deceit’s back. “It’s okay. I got you, you little danger noodle. I’ll keep you warm.” The chill on his skin vanished as new soft clothes covered his shivering body, fitting warm and snug around him.

Deceit hiccuped, shaking his head, smearing snot all over the sash in the process.  _ Just. Great.  _ Princey would kill him for that. It was just another thing to add to the list of ‘not okay.’ Sure he was warm. Sure they were being oddly nice to him. But he was  _ helpless. Powerless!  _

“Not damsel. Not liddle. NOT SICK.” He complained into Roman’s chest. “I wanna you see and you not see and I-i-i---” He cut off, trying to not bawl like the baby he was. How would they ever take him seriously after this?

_ Curse you, Thomas.  _ He’d just wanted a lighter workload, one less major secret to keep. He didn’t ask to be sick. Didn’t want to be stuck as a-a- _ child _ . And with the Big Four knowing he was defenseless--

“Being little is nothing to be ashamed of, Friendo.” Patton said softly, hesitantly placing his hand over Deceit’s. “We’ve all gone through it ourselves.” 

Deceit hiccuped, his fingers twisting to curl around Patton’s. They had? When?

“And while it’s not...fun.” Virgil made a face, hugging himself. 

“You don’t have to worry about being a child here.” Roman gently brushed the tears from his face. “We’ll keep you safe until you’re normal again.” 

“Being sick isn’t something you should suffer through alone.” Logan added, lightly patting his head, avoiding the wound on the back. “Nor when you’re injured.” He said, pulling a first aid kit out of thin air and opening it.

“Especially down there with the Othe--.” Virgil stiffened, the eyeshadow under his eyes going pitch black. “Do they know?” He demanded, leaning forward, grabbing the zipper of his jacket in a white knuckled grip. “That you’re sick?”

Deceit huffed, glaring back at Anxiety, trying to not flinch as Logan rubbed something smelly onto the wound. What did they take him for? An idiot?

Roman tensed. “That’s not good if they do. Thomas--”

Apparently yes. Deceit growled, stomach once more twisting as he glared at them through tear blurred eyes. “Thomas sa--s-- T-t-thomas sa-sa-” He stuttered, the truth unable to leave his lips. He pushed from Creativity’s chest, acid rising in his throat. He was his self preservation was he not? He protected Thomas! He wouldn’t...wouldn’t...but...but why would they trust him? He was Deceit. The bad guy. He sniffed, wiping his eyes with his arm. “He S-s-s-s-sa--”

Patton squeezed his hand. “It’s okay, Friendo, don’t push yourself.” He said, offering an understanding smile. “He’s safe. That’s what you’re trying to say, yes? That the Others don’t know?” 

Deceit sank back against Roman, resting the scaled side of his face against the warmth. At least one of them understood. “ _ No. _ ” He mumbled, giving the barest of nods. 

Virgil huffed, tugging at the zipper, eyes narrowing. “You’re gonna believe him just like that?” 

“Considering he didn’t want us to see him like this and tried to convince us he was an illusion.” Logan said, shoulders relaxing as he finished carefully wrapping Deceit’s head with a bandage. “I would say Deceit is...well telling us the truth. The Others remain unaware.”

“Deceit’s own lie.” Roman mused, gently rocking him. “Pretending to them that he’s well, when he’s sick.” 

Of course. He was the Gatekeeper. He wasn’t supposed to get sick. To show… Deceit dug his fingers into Creativity’s shirt. He shouldn’t show weakness. But here he was. Being weak. Unable to keep up pretenses because he’d somehow become a freaking child!

“One he couldn’t maintain around us.” Logan added, vanishing the last of the bandages away. “Didn’t he say he didn’t want us to see?”

“Which means that someone did want us to see.” Virgil breathed, turning to look at the closet door. 

“Thomas?” Roman asked, holding another cracker up to Deceit’s lips. “He is our hos--” 

“No, you heard him.” Logan tapped his chin in thought. “He called Dee a slimey boi. Thomas currently wants nothing to do with him. Why would he then aim to protect him?” 

Deceit winced, nibbling at the cracker. No. Thomas would be all too happy for him to be gone. He didn’t want to….to understand him. Not yet. Maybe not ever. It was fine. No one ever liked him anyways. What difference did it make that Thomas didn’t either?

“Well maybe not consciously.” Patton said, fiddling with one of the blankets. “But Deceit is more than the lies Thomas tells and what he doesn’t want to know. He just as important as the rest of us.”

“True. Which means--”

“Someone needs us to protect him.” Roman breathed, his heart pounding loudly in Deceit’s ear. “From the Others. He’s in danger.” 


	4. Chapter 4

The cracker crumbled in Deciet’s hand.  _ Danger? _ He tensed, pushing away from the warmth of Princey’s chest to better see the others. “Am. Too!” They couldn’t be serious.  _ Who  _ would even  _ think  _ to try and go  _ against  _ him? No one. That’s who. He. Was. The. Gate. Keeper! He was the safest of them all. 

One look at their faces told him they thought otherwise. 

“Friendo.” Patton said gently, brushing away the crumbs from Princey’s shirt. “You are. If you’re small like this. It’s not safe for you to be wandering around in the subconscious.” 

But he’d been just fine down there! The others hadn’t suspected a thing. 

Deceit growled and slid off of Roman’s lap landing clumsily on the carpet between the couch and the coffee table. Both pieces of furniture now far too close to his own small height for comfort. 

Deceit straightened, backing out of the Prince’s reach as the Side bent to grab him. No more showing weakness. No more wanting Warmth. He had to show them he was fine! 

“YES! I Fine. No Danger.” He said, twisting his hand as the others shot to their feet, towering over him like giants. 

“Dee.” Virgil said, raising his hands, not to his mouth like Deceit wanted, but in a placating gesture as he took a step around the table to head him off, eyes shining with a careful light. 

Deceit fought the queasiness rising in his stomach as he again twisted his hand to no result. _Powerless._ No. It would...he just...He glanced to the door, heart sinking as Patton moved to block him. “I FINE!” He grabbed at the air, blinking away the tears blurring his vision. “Fine.” He wasn’t in any danger. _He wasn’t!_ He’d been _fine_ before he’d come up those freaking stairs! He had his _powers_ down below. He’d used them just before heading off on this ill-fated journey to the kitchen. 

“Deceit…” Logan crouched down, holding out his hand. “You know you’re not fine. We can see you’re not. There’s no need to lie to yourself.” 

He hissed, batting Logic’s hand away. _But he was FINE._ He wa--HE WAS! He didn’t _need_ help! He wasn’t _lying_ to himself. He was FINE on his own. He’d survived nearly THIRTY years on his own. Why was did he have to end up sick now? Why did they want to HELP him _now?_! 

“Now come on, friendo.” Patton cajoled, following Logan’s example and crouching in front of his escape route, holding out a cracker. “You don’t have to do this alone. We’ll keep you saf-”

We? No.There was only him. In the end it was always him. The Gatekeeper. Deceit hissed, jutting out his chin. “YES.” 

“Friendo-”

Deceit backed further away, flinching as he hit the blinds in front of the window. They weren’t friends! “I’m. Fine. I FINE. I FINE. TAKE CARE OF MYSELF NO NEED YOU AND I--” He ducked his head to Sync out. To get back  _ Home. _

“Deceit!” Roman yelled, easily leaping over the table.

His knees hit the carpeted floor.

The living room’s floor.

His breath hitched as a wave of terror flowed through him. He hadn’t...hadn’t left. He couldn’t sync out.  _ He couldn’t leave. _

_ Powerless. _

“Oh, Dee.” Patton whispered.

A sob tore from his throat as Princey knelt in front of him, his calloused hands slowly reaching out to take Deceit’s puny ones. 

“It’s okay.” Roman said, gently. “It’s okay, I know this is scary for you, but it will be okay.” 

Deceit jerked his hands back, hugging himself. He wasn’t supposed to get scared though. He couldn’t show weakness. “ _ H-h-home.”  _ He choked out, eyes blurring. “Donwanna...donwanna.” He wanted to go home! He wanted to be normal again. He glared up at Princey, hating how his bright eyes shown with pity. He was supposed to be the Gatekeeper. He was supposed to  _ protect them _ ! How could he do his job when--when---

“Dee. It’s okay.” Virgil said, kneeling by Roman. “Like Pat said, we’ve all been small before. You can see we’re not now. It goes away. You--you don’t have to fight it--” 

He  _ had _ to. He was  _ DECEIT _ . He was the BAD GUY. He wasn’t supposed to be SMALL. Powerless _.  _

_ Useless.  _

_ “ _ Hate. You.” He bit out, clenching both hands as Logan and Patton joined the semi circle. They flinched at the words. At least  _ that  _ had an effect. If his other powers didn’t work at least he could still lie. Tell them what they wanted to hear. Get them to leave him alone. He shoved backwards into the blinds, using them as a feeble barrier. “I HATE YOU ALL.” He yelled, eyes burning. “Hate you Annie! Hate Logie, Hate Morey, Hate you Roey! HATE THE WARMTH. ALL HATE! Go. WAY.” His stomach rumbled, the cracker not sitting well at all. He shook his head, shuddering as he pressed against the cold glass.  _ Don’t show weakness. Don’t throw up like a baby. _ “I wanna stay here! I wanna STAY HERE! ALL SMALL. I’m Fi---” Acid rose in his throat, forcing him to silence as he fought to keep from throwing up again. He closed his eyes, hunching his shoulders.  _ CURSE YOU, THOMAS!  _ Why was this happening to him? He had been  _ fine _ on his own. NO ONE had known he was sick before he’d climbed those stupid stairs! 

“You...hate us.” Virgil repeated.

Deceit swallowed hard, silently swearing as he opened his eyes to glare at Virgil. He didn’t like the look on Anxiety’s face. 

“No! No, Kiddo.” Patton raised his hands, his eyes shimmering as he fought to keep a smile on his face. “You know he--”

“Lies.” Logan finished.

Of course that’s what he did. That was his whole job! Lying. Telling them what they wanted him to say. “No.” He growled, shivering against the glass. “I. HATE. YOU. No. Lies.” It was what Anxiety wanted to hear. It didn’t matter if it was a Lie too. He was the bad guy. He wasn’t supposed to care. Just like they weren’t supposed to care for him and he creepy snake face.

Virgil scoffed. “No lies?” His leaned in, the eyeshadow under his eyes getting darker. “Tell me that again, DeeDee. You what?” 

This was new. Anxiety wanting to be told negative things? Didn’t he do that enough himself? “I Hate You.” He spat out. “HATE YOU LOTS.” 

“Virgil--He means he lov--” 

“No, I know how he works, Pat.” Virgil reassured, not breaking eye contact. “Tell me, Dee. You what?” 

Deceit clenched his too small hands. What was the point of this. “I hate you. ” He muttered, unwilling to be the one to look away.  _ Don’t show weakness.  _

Virgil leaned in, eyes sharpening. “Sorry, I couldn’t hear you. You what?” 

Logan exhaled, adjusting his glasses. “Is this really necessary--”

“Kiddo, we know what he means by--”

“I know, but I want him to say it.” Virgil interrupted, raising his voice over the others. “What did you say DeeDee? You what?” 

What was Anxiety doing? Playing devil’s advocate? He growled, pushing away from the frozen glass. “I hate you, Annie!” He hissed, stomach twisting.

Roman frowned, reaching out to Deceit. “Virge, what is the point--” 

“Hang on, Ro.” Virgil said leaning in closer, hands relaxed at his sides, eyes intent on Deceit. “Let him get it out of his system. Say it again, Dee. You what?” 

Out of his system? It wasn’t like he could stop lying! Stop saying what the others wanted to hear. It was so stupid. They already knew he didn’t hate them because they thought he spoke only in lies! “I Hate you, Annie!” He said stomping his foot. “HATE YOU. To the moon and back I don’t like you, I ha--ove you. OKAY? I LOVE YO--” Deceit cut off, stiffening as the words shifted in his mouth.  _ Oh no.  _

The Anxious side straightened, letting out a slow breath. “I thought so.” He said, eyes going soft.

“Virgil?” Patton frowned looking between the two as Deceit wilted, dropping his eyes to the floor. 

_ Some Gatekeeper.  _

“Deceit doesn’t just lie, guys.” Anxiety pulled his sleeves over his hands. “He can also tell us what we want to hear, no matter if it’s truth or lie. How do you think he compliments Roman so easily?”

“Hey!”

“What?” Virgil smirked, raising an eyebrow. “It’s true. You want to hear compliments so he gives them to you, whether or not he agrees with them, but...if you or I happened to change our mind on what we wanted to hear from him.” He tilted his head to Deceit. “Then he would have to change what he was saying.” 

“Virgil, that was... clever.” Logan said, adjusting his glasses, a small smile on his face. 

Anxiety shrugged, a small smile playing on his face as he crossed his arms. “I do listen to you sometimes, L.” 

Deceit gritted his teeth and turned away, glaring out the window. “Not clever.” He mumbled, raising a hand to his scaled cheek, remembering all too well the bruise Anxiety had given him the last time he’d been outsmarted. It wasn’--Okay, it was clever. And he hated Virgil for it. Why, out of all the sides, did  _ he _ have to be the one who could make Deceit look like the fool? It wasn’t fair and he didn’t get why Virgil needed the others to know. 

Roman exhaled. “But that means we can’t just think he’s meaning the opposite of what he’s saying.” He said, leaning in to brush Deceit’s scales. “We’re trying to help you and you just have to be difficult.” 

Like he did it on purpose! He glared at the other’s reflections in the glass, aching to lean into Creativity’s warmth. Instead he tilted his head away. “Am too.” He whispered.

Did they not realize this was why he kept his distance from all of them? It was exhausting not being able to say what he wanted to say when he wanted to say it, to have to choose between lying and saying what they wanted to hear. 

“That is...problematic.” Logan agreed, tapping his fingers against his chin, looking at Deceit like he was just another Rubix cube to solve. “We can’t afford to waste time figuring out if he’s lying or not when he’s like this.”

Patton tilted his head. “But guys--” 

“Not when the Dark Sides are near for sure.” Roman said as he scooted closer to Deceit, pushing the blinds to the side to leave him exposed to the others with nowhere to hide.

“Go. Way. Roey.” He muttered, hugging himself tighter. 

Virgil gestured vaguely around the room. “He could be in danger and--”

Roman raised an eyebrow, brushing Deceit’s fingers with his own as he leaned against the glass next to him, his body heat radiating like a summer heat wave. “You should sit, Dee.” He whispered as Logan frowned, pen and paper appearing in his hands. 

“Yes.” He murmured, already jotting down notes. “Dangers. Healthwise, Sizewise, Dutywise.”

The Prince patted his lap, offering him a smile. “Sit and conserve your strength.” 

Deceit shivered harder, nearly tempted. But no. It was warmth _.  _ But it was Weakness. He’d already shown too much of that. “I’m fine.” He grumbled backing up a couple of steps, keeping his distance from the Big Four. “No. Help. All Good.” 

“Are you though?” 

Deceit bared his teeth. “ _ I FINE.”  _ He hissed, turning his back on Princey, glowering at the stairs. It wasn’t like they actually cared about him. They just wanted to make sure the Dark Sides didn’t run amuck now that he was like this.

“We will need to see the threats before they happen to keep him safe.” Virgil tugged at the zippers on his sleeves, glancing in the same direction. “The others could cause so much havoc if they find out.”

Case and point. Anxiety would know. He’d started more than one riot in the subconscious while fighting against Deceit’s control.

Patton shook his head. “Guys.”

“We need to find which, if any, of his abilities still work on us--” Logan added.

Roman moved his hand, resting it near Deceit’s, palm up. “Well, we know making us quiet doesn’t work.” He said.

Deceit hunched his shoulders. With his current luck, probably none of his other abilities worked either. At this point it felt like he was hardly better than a figment.

Logic nodded, tapping his pen against the paper. “We also need to find out how he shrunk in the first place--” 

Like he knew. He climbed an impossible flight of stairs and somehow shrunk along the way. 

“--and how to keep the others from realizing. We can’t have them running amuck--” Virgil said, scooting to place himself between Deceit and the door as if he expected the others to come out right then. 

Foolish. Deceit huffed, shaking his head. It would be a while before the others realized something was wrong. It wasn’t like he hadn’t lurked unseen in the shadows before. 

“--And the knowledge.” Logan looked up, eyes intent on Deceit’s, silently demanding answers. “Can help us to prevent the circumstances from happening again.”

“GUYS!” 

Deceit jumped, hissing defensively as the others froze, all sharing a sheepish look before turning to Morality. Geez. He’d never heard Patton raise his voice before. 

Pink tinged Logic’s cheeks as he pushed his glasses back up. “Yes, Patton?”

The father figured exhaled, shaking his head, a small smile on his lips. “Deceit can tell us the truth, even without us wanting to hear it.” 

He blinked, dropping his hands. Huh? “Yes, I can?” No, he couldn’t. He was Deceit! That automatically entailed not telling the truth. Not saying how he really felt. What he really thought. 

“No he--How do you figure that, Pat?” Virgil asked.

“Well...he pretended to be me right?” Patton said brightly, fiddling with the cat paws on his new sweater.

Anxiety shot Deceit a dark look. “Yah, but he wasn’t perfect at it.”

Deceit made a face right back, rolling his eyes. Another reason for him to not get close to them. He couldn’t show weakness like that. Show he wasn’t always in perfect control of his own lies. “Cus you found me out sooo fast.” He retorted, clenching his fists. 

Pretend to be someone else  _ ONE  _ time and it was going to be held over his head for the rest of his life. It wasn’t like he’d ever pretended to be the others before. Plus. PLUS he’d wanted them to get suspicious. Wanted them to realize he wasn’t Patton. If Deceit hadn’t wanted to reveal himself he would have perfected his Morality act before pretending to be the father figure in the video. The others would never have known it was him instead.

Patton shrugged. “But Deceit told you all about that stuff with Kant and lying. That was truthful, and not what you all wanted to hear.” 

“Yes because he was acting--” Logan inhaled sharply, hand freezing on his glasses. “Acting.” He turned to Roman giving him a smile. “Acting.” 

Roman laughed, pushing to his knees. “Acting.” He agreed, grinning at Deceit.

Deceit took a step back into the TV stand, his heart stuttering in his chest. He did not like the gleam in Creativity’s eyes. So he’d acted like Patton and fooled everyone for a bit. What of it?

“All the world’s a stage, huh D?” Roman asked, reaching out to ruffle his curly hair, careful to avoid the bandages there.

Deceit hissed, batting the Prince’s hands away from his head. “In your reality!” 

“Just listen to him for a second okay, Friendo?” Patton pled.

They  _ weren’t  _ friends!

“This is going to help us help you.” 

Doubtful.

“You don’t know that.” 

At least Virgil agreed with him on that. 

“Hush, Virge. Lemme talk to the little guy.” Roman said, resting one hand on Deceit’s shoulder, the other hand brushing his cheek. 

Deceit swallowed, leaning into the warmth despite himself.  _ So pathetic _ . “I wanna hear.” He complained, flinching as Logic knelt next to Creativity, his pad and paper gone. Surrounded  _ again _ . 

“I believe you should give Roman a chance to explain first, Deceit.” He said, with a small smile. “He does have good ideas in these sort of situations.” 

Since when did LOGIC believe that? Weren’t the two at odds with each other more often than not? “Yah, they smart.” Deceit muttered, looking up at the fanciful side. “I like it lots ahweady.” It wasn’t like he could say anything else when it was a lie  _ and  _ what Creativity wanted to hear. 

Roman beamed, eyes shining as he stroked Deceit’s scaly cheek, before taking both of Deceit’s hands in one of his own. “Great. I’m just going to establish the scene alright? You know anybody named Dilyn?” 

Dilyn? Who in the blazes was Dilyn? Deceit huffed, his too small hands spreading in Roman’s to soak up as much heat as possible. “Yah.” 

“Even better.” Roman chuckled, giving him a wink. “You see, Deceit, I want you to play the role of my little buddy, Dilyn.” 

Play...a role? Deceit straightened, raising an eyebrow. Of all the things he’d expected Creativity to say...that wasn’t it. “But I’m no actor like you.” Roman hadn’t given him any roles since they were kids. And even then, none of them were  _ good  _ roles. 

“That’s the spirit!” Roman beamed at him. “You see, Dee, my little buddy Dilyn is just a child in the mindscape. He appeared to us out of the blue a little earlier. And so far he doesn’t have any particular functions relating to Thomas that we know of.” He shrugged one shoulder. “He’s too little.”

“And sick.” Patton added, settling down by the window, offering him a fatherly smile. “We’re looking after him until he’s feeling better.” 

Deceit bristled, shaking his head. Don’t. Remind. Him. This was completely stupid. He should have been able to do his job just fine! No matter what size he was, no matter how he was feeling. 

“This is Dilyn we’re talking about. Not Deceit.” Logan clarified as he adjusted his tie. “They’re two completely different individuals.” 

Oh really? Why was Logan even going along with this game of pretend? “I not know that.” He said sarcastically, glaring at Roman’s sash. He wasn’t a complete idiot. Unless it came to revealing himself to Thomas, then he was a nimrod through and through. 

“Yah, one is kid and sick, the other is an adult and annoying.” Virgil supplied, crossing his arms. “But, Ro. You can’t seriously think--”

“And my little buddy Dilyn.” Roman interjected, speaking over Anxiety. “Dilyn can tell us whatever is on his mind.” 

“Like the Truth.” Patton piped up. “Or how you’re feeling. Whatever you want!” 

“Because he has no connection whatsoever to Deceit.” Logan said, gesturing to his hat lying on the floor. “Deceit has to lie. Dilyn, on the other hand, can choose not to because he doesn’t have a function in the mindscape yet.” 

He shook his head. It was completely stupid. Roman couldn’t seriously think this would work, just because he’d had a little success in pretending to be Morality. 

“So what do you think, D?” Princey asked, squeezing Deceit’s hands, eyes bright and hopeful. “You want to be my little buddy Dilyn until you’re full grown again?” 

Apparently he did. Deceit tugged his hands free, shaking his head. “That’s crazy.” 

“You read my mind.”Anxiety muttered. 

It was only because Virgil wanted to hear those words that he could say them in the first place. It was crazy. 

“It doesn’t hurt to make an attempt though.” Logan shrugged. “We’ve managed to solve Thomas’s problems with...less orthodox means. This too could work.”

And the sun would rise from the West. 

“You can’t just make him not a Side though! He’s--” Virgil gestured. “Deceit!” 

“With no powers?” Roman countered. “I mean, yes he’s a child like we’ve been before, Virgilicious, but we still could  _ do  _ our normal tasks. Dee can’t.” 

“To an extent.” Patton said. “We had our own problems with it.”

“Yes, but not like this. Possibly because Thomas doesn’t want Deceit around. Our functions don’t always work well when he’s being stubborn.” Logan mused, tapping his chin. 

Deceit winced, ducking his head. Hadn’t he had the same thought before coming up here? Thomas didn’t want him. Was trying to get rid of him. 

_ What if he was small forever? Powerless. Forever. _

Virgil rolled his shoulders. “He didn’t want me around at first and I didn’t have this problem.” 

“Your case was different though!” 

“Was it, Princey?” 

“Sure! I---well I…”

“Unknown.” Logan countered. “But Thomas has always been aware of his Anxiety. Deceit? Not so much.”

“Cus I bad at my job.” Deceit muttered, leaning against the TV stand, rubbing an arm. So bad at it that he’d gotten Thomas to hate him first shot. And now the others wanted him to pretend to be someone else. To not be Deceit. All because their host wanted nothing to do with him.

_ Some Gatekeeper.  _

It seemed like such a good idea at the time to reveal himself. Have a little less work. 

“Friendo?” Patton gently prodded. “Could you at least try for us? So we can help you? Please?”

Deceit shrugged, not quite seeing the others as he wrestled with the concept. Could it really be that easy? Could acting like someone else free him from being constrained to lie? Help the others...help him? 

Acting  _ was _ a form of lying so he would still be Deceit even as Dilyn. And he  _ had _ been able to speak more truthfully while he’d acted as Patton, even if he’d still been held back by trying to act  _ like  _ the Father figure. So if he acted like a...a child...took on this role of having no function. It...it could work.

Deceit bit his lip, lifting his eyes to to the others. Maybe. After all, the others hadn’t specified any specific characteristics for this Dilyn beyond him being sick and able to tell the truth. It was such a vague character. There could be multiple interpretations. Perhaps too many. Was there enough truth to the shaky foundation the others had laid to allow him to...to lie like that? To be this Dilyn?  _ To be himself around them?  _

“Dilyn?” Roman asked, a cautious smile on his face as he held out his hand.

Deceit shied away from the contact. “Mmm?” It wasn’t like he felt like he was the Big Bad Deceit right now. Being sick...injured….being….being child sized. It would make his life easier if he could be more direct. ...Tell the truth. Help the others help him to keep Thomas protected from the lies he didn’t want known until Deceit could get back to normal.

Virgil raised an eyebrow.“You’re seriously going to try and be...Dilyn?” 

“...No.” What else could he do? They weren’t going to let him go back to the others like this. He glanced to the others, fidgeting under their combined stairs. It would only be for a little while. Until he got back to normal.  _ If...if he got back to normal.  _

_ What if this was permanent?  _

“How about you start with something small.” Logan suggested. “To test the waters?”

Patton grinned, holding out his hands, eyes shining. “Like how you’re actually feeling. Are you feeling better...Dilyn?” 

How he felt? Deceit licked his lips, taking a steadying breath, heart pounding in his chest. 

“I…” He dropped his arms to his stomach as it twisted, swallowing hard. What if it didn’t work? What if he had to continue lying? How could he keep Thomas safe-- _ Coward, just try it.  _ “I-I don’t... feel... good.” He whispered. 

_ Truth. _

Deceit inhaled sharply, jerking his head up to meet Roman’s eyes. He’d...he’d told the truth. He’d...he’d done it. “No feel good.” He repeated, feeling a wall collapsing within him as his weakness came out full force. He sniffed, swaying in place as tears again flooding his eyes. “All hurts.” He choked out, voice wavering. “Bad.” Gee manetti, he was so freaking exhausted from pretending he was fine. 

“I don’t beli--that worked?” Virgil breathed, moving closer. “It actually worked?” 

“Possibly. Time will tell for sure.” Logan confirmed, giving De-Dilyn a confident smile. “But I do believe it will.”

Roman’s eyes lit up. “Here, Dil.” He said, opening his arms. “Can I hold you?”

De--Dilyn swallowed, brushing roughly at his eyes, chest growing tight. But he--he wasn’t--

“Dilyn?” Patton asked, kept his voice soft. “Can Roman pick you up?” He fidgeted in place, eyes watery. “Can we--can we all give you a group hug?” 

_ Warmth.  _ Hugs. Dec--Dilyn took a breath. Dilyn. He was Dilyn. Not the Gatekeeper. The others would watch out for him. Not a Deceiver. Thomas didn’t want lies in his life anyways. It was just...just him. Just Dilyn. And Dilyn could be held. Dilyn needed to be held. 

“Yes.” He whispered, shakily holding out his arms so that Roman could pick him up. He buried the scaled side of his face against the sash, breath hitching. 

_ Security. Warmth. Comfort. _

How long had it been since he’d allowed himself to feel that? To be the one taken care of instead of the other way around?

“Let it out, buddy. We got you.” Creativity soothed, rubbing his back.

“We’ll keep a lookout.”

“Just breathe, Dil.”

“You’re safe here.”

_ Truth.  _ Dilyn relaxed, closing his eyes as the others, even Virgil, joined in on the hug, taking comfort from the warmth surrounding him as he quietly sobbed in Roman’s arms.


End file.
